Tuesday, August 24, 2010

You Are My People

          Fill in the blank:  I am a ________.  Did you say mother? Or was it woman or Jew or tax accountant?  For a lot of us, I think the first word that comes to mind is mother.  I am a woman.  It’s what I am.  I am a writer. That’s what I do.  But a mother is what I am and what I do.  It’s not the only thing, but it’s everything.

          I am also a white, sort of Protestant, middle-aged, American woman.  Unfortunately, that often leaves me feeling like I am nothing - not without value but without people.  I’ve always been attracted to Catholicism and Judaism because I like the traditions and rules. It seems like everyone at the service knows exactly what to do no matter how complicated the ritual or prayer.  They belong. I think my husband’s Jewish heritage was one of the first things that attracted me, but we are not Jewish.  We light candles every night of Hanukah, but my kids think kosher is a flavor of pickle.

          I find myself jealous of black women in that I’d like to consider my girlfriends sisters. If I called my best friend “Sister,” she’d think I’ve lost it.  Still, I try.  I give friends nicknames.  It’s my way of saying: You belong with me.  You are part of my club. I know you.  

          In Hawaii where we spend much of our summer, the local kids call their adult friends Auntie and Uncle no matter if they are related or not.  I like it.  We tried it when our kids were little.  My girls still refer to a few of our old friends as Uncle Dan and Uncle Dave. When Uncle Dave started dating and eventually married Sharon, she didn’t appreciate being called “Uncle Sharon” so that kind of went out the window. What?! I didn’t make it up.  My kids were little. They thought: Uncle goes with Uncle.  Plus, it was funny. I still think Uncle Sharon is a term of endearment.

          The truth is that I’ve always wanted people: a group that is special, that a person is part of simply based on who or what she is.  None of my groups (white, American, middle-aged) really gave me that feeling of connection – until I became a mom. 

          When you are a mom, you are part of a society. You can say things like, “It’s a mom thing,” or “You’re a mom. You understand.” You have each other’s back.  You get it. 

          I read in a parenting magazine that we should teach our children to go to a mom with kids when they are lost in an airport or shopping mall. It’s like saying, “These are our people.  They are safe. They will always help you.”  And it’s true. 

         I reviewed that lesson right as we arrived at Sea World a few years ago.  Less than an hour later, we noticed that my then 6-year-old daughter Emma was missing.  And I mean really missing, not just 10 feet away out of sight.  My husband ran back to the sea lion exhibit and found her while I searched the line at the dolphin show literally dialing 9-1-1.  By the time Brad got to Emma, a mom with kids had found her crying and clearly lost. The mom gave her a tray of sardines to feed the sea lions and stayed with Emma until we got there.  When I arrived, I hugged that woman until we were both sobbing.  It doesn’t matter if she was black, or Jewish, or a tax accountant. She was a stranger. She was my sister.  She was a mother. She is one of my people.  And so are you.

13 comments:

  1. This is my first post. I'm planning to write about moms and mothering and how we just might have the power to save the environment - one decision at a time. Please share your thoughts. I really want to know what you think. And please become a "follower." It will make me feel good. :-)

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  2. Yay!!! Congrats on your blog, Sister! I love it! I know you have a lot to say, and I can't wait to read every word.

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  3. Awesome Love! You did it and now this is just the beginning of a huge movement toward mothering our earth. I just know it...and I am your biggest follower!

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  4. You are MY PEOPLE! So impressed. Can't wait for more. Jen

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  5. You amaze me Carole! You have such a way with communication and on top of that are willing to put yourself out there - you go girl. Was looking for a few minutes of escape tonight and what a delightful surprise you gave me. Thanks. Be proud Carole. Type on Siser!

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  6. Carole -- you cease to amaze me! You are an amazing Women, Mother & Sister! I am proud to be a follower. Thank you for creating this blog to allow us to share ideas and thoughts so we can all contribute towards saving our environment. I look so forward to reading this!

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  7. Carole, love it....way to be a messenger and a voice for all us "Moms".
    I am happy to follow along with you. Your experience with loosing Emma every Mom can identify with and the sense of relief and appreciation you had of this total stranger "Mom", I so get.
    Blog on sister!!

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  8. I have followers! I have followers! I feel like Steve Martin in The Jerk, when he gets his name in the phone book. Thank you all for your positive comments. It's just the inspiration I need.

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  9. I love this!! So poignant too as many of us moms feel like we lose ourselves to motherhood sometimes. Who am I? Someones mom, someones wife. Nice to find ourselves among other women.

    Way to go Carole. Keep em coming!!! D. D.

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  10. Great blog! Congrats!!

    Question: How will you fill in the blank "I am a__________" when Riley and Gracie are grown and out of the house?

    Barry Brandt (aka Dad)

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  11. This is great Carole, can't wait to read your next installment!
    Megan

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  12. You made me cry. Beautiful. I'm so with you. I've always searched for community. Still am. And the closest I get is the community of mothers. Today at the park, talking about canning and gardening and eating local and running to our kids when they needed us. Keep going. Your writing style is captivating, your message right on!!

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  13. Well, you learn something every day -- who knew leaf blowers were so evil?

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